Shard London Bridge (née The Shard of Glass) and architect Renzo Piano wish to announce the birth of their first child. ‘Baby Shard’ is expected to put on rapid growth and approach the height of 14-year-old cousin 1 Canada Square.

Baby Shard will sit close to its mother, separated by a new tree-lined piazza. No baby photos are currently available, but we’re told the tot will have a sloping forehead with solar panels.

Mother and child will be replacing two gnarled old uncles, currently disgracing the London Bridge skyline. Mummy shard will be built on the site of PriceWaterhouseCooper’s Southwark Towers, after the company vacate early next year. The not-so-bouncing baby shard will take the place, and eventually the name, of the woeful New London Bridge House, which has been bought up by the developers and is due for demolition in the near future. The third concrete bastard in the area, Guys tower (there he is, look, skulking in the background), will remain sadly untouched.

The whole shard project seems to be gaining momentum now. ‘Enabling works’ should begin in the New Year, demolition next summer, and construction a year after that.