Congratulations – you can read! (Presumably. Unless you just look at Londonist for the pictures.) Literacy is sexy. Hyper-literacy, even sexier. Or so we at Londonist tell ourselves as we don our Coke-bottle glasses and curl up each night with a bottle of wine and a dictionary. But enough about our steamy Valentine’s Day plans. What have you got planned? Now, you may have inferred that we’re a jaded lot over here at Londonist.......

Words: useful little critters, no? Without them we’d be, well, a lot of things, but most certainly out of a job. From puns to poetry, improv to irony, books to blogs, we pretty much revel in all that language has to offer. But no, we will neither confirm nor deny reports that we’ve stayed home on a Friday night for a heated game of Scrabble. What we will confirm, however, is that we greet......

As you all know, Londonist doesn’t just enjoy sarcastically mocking aspects of our fair city. No, far from it – we also like to help people out from time to time. So, we were only too pleased to offer our help when San Francisco-based artist and comedian Marc Horowitz contacted us to assist him in setting up his forthcoming show at the Hayward Gallery. Not one to run from a challenge, Horowitz has agreed......

Meet Language. Based in East London (but not defined by it!), they've chosen their myspace category to be "melodramatic popular song", are obsessed with falafel, like dressing in black, have a song called "Theme for a Porno", record on Hornsey Road and were screwed out of a producer by Kate Nash. They're not bitter mind. We were going to tell you our favourite song but having just listened to them all again on myspace......

There are London Literature Festivals, and then there's London Literature Plus. This independent rival to the South Bank's extravagnza also kicked off yesterday, and involves almost 30 lit-related events. Here's a pick of the highlights. July 3: Poejazzi. Poetry and jazz? Not necessarily a winning combination in everyone's book, but Time Out certainly like it. They listed Poejazzi amongst their 101 things to do in London 2007. 8pm, Volupté. July 5: Social Disease Social.......

Language specialists are frittering away more good grant money on researching regional accents in cows. "They decided to examine the issue after dairy farmers noticed their cows had slightly different moos, depending on which herd they came from." Farmer Lloyd Green, from Glastonbury, said: "I spend a lot of time with my ones and they definitely moo with a Somerset drawl. Farmer Green sounds like he might be spending a little too much time with......

Cockneys, the stereotypical Londoners, are famed for their slang. Rhyming slang used to be commonplace within the sound of Bow bells, but it seems that young cockneys, are now reverting to more modern colloquialisms. They have gone from using ‘spritten English’ (text language etc.) to a new type of inner city slang. A study by Sue Fox, who has recently been looking at the use of traditional cock-er-nee slang in inner city London, has......

The Londonist Literary List appears every Tuesday. If you’d like to bring an event to our attention, please email londonistlit@gmail.com. Among the treats available to lit lovers this week are a reading in a cemetery, a reading in Shakespeare's Globe, and if you're willing to travel to Oxford, a whole slew of famous faces over the next couple of days... Events Around London (and Beyond): The Oxford Literary Festival continues through tomorrow (the 29th),......

Gigs, gigs, gigs, pay money and see shows. Unless of course they're free. You should always go and see free shows, especially if its the Editors this evening at 7pm at the Truman Brewery Complex on Brick Lane. Friends of ours keep haranguanging us about how good they are live but as always you should make your own minds up. Which you can only do by going. There, said done, on to Elbow. Elbow......